A little Too Much

So...cities....have bunches of cars and rows of houses and abundance of fences and miles of sidewalks and clouds of fumes and never-ending noise. I am thankful for a breeze most days to keep the air stirred up. I am grateful to be in an area where some stars are visible. I am relieved to know the neighborhood I'm staying in is rather safe. I am glad the weather has a little chill in it to make my walks be more refreshing. I am very happy to have a place to stay all of break, and not only somewhere to sleep, but a family to share Christmas with. ^_^
Yet, even with all the new elements I've experienced this year over Christmas Break, something seems to be missing......something all the times of wonderful laughter and engrossing reading and scrumptious food and reviving sleep can't make up for. Nearly every night, before falling asleep, I reflect back over the day. All the differentness (yes it is a word, now.) can be sorted out at last; the overload of information slows long enough for me to process it. Much of what I observe, both directly and remotely, need a moderator and a balance. I enjoy change, but sometimes when it comes at me too fast or in too great a concentration, my feeble mind and body can't handle it. So, how does an overload of differentness lack something to the extent of such significance that I could be bothered by it? An excellent question, Watson. It's quite simple really.
I'm drowning in the culture I have been suddenly introduced to this Christmas break. I have been aware of the existence of this culture for some years, but had never experienced it first hand, and now that I have, it's smothering me. For anyone who has only ever been on one side, my dilemma is rather incomprehensible and unexplainable. My dear roommate can't even imagine what I'm dealing with (and I don't wish to worry her by attempting an explanation). Nor should anyone who would fain understand my predicament agonize themselves about it. Please don't. However, if you would pray for me while I trek through all these bombardments, I would greatly appreciate every word. Thank you.

A Texas Christmas

So, in spite of all the pre-conceived ideas about suburbs of Dallas....there are actually trees and a bit of grass! This picture was taken at the end of the front walk of my temporary home in Allen, Texas. And, yes, all ye who reside in Texas, I have found "hills" in your state, but they all go down (ask Rene). I'm having a very restful break and the sleep is wonderful!! Of course there is very little else to do besides rest......oh well, actually, I have read some....The Talisman by Sir Walter Scott and He is There and He is Not Silent by Francis A. Schaefer.
Getting to know Rene's family and some of her friends has been interesting, entertaining, and informative. ^_^ Yes, I did use all those adjective to describe meeting people.......

Roommates!

Yep, here we are: me, Kelsey, Andy, and Rene.
YAY for my wonderful roommates!

Thanksgiving!!!

YAY!! for a break and sleep and food and friends and Kansas! Yes, Kansas really is a great place to go for the holiday! Ten LeTU students, ten LeTU alumni, about twelve extended family, and the two most brave parents I've ever met, Mama and Papa Hawthorne. One of the couples from the extended family are back from several years in China with their four-month old daughter. All but one of the LeTU people stayed all weekend at the Hawthorne's home. We have wonderful food, hilarious conversations, splendid sleep, fabulous cold weather, and Christian encouragement. I get to wash dishes, go for early morning walks, stand around the bond fire, laugh hardily, and watch engineers work puzzles of various sorts. This year is very close to being as fantastic as last year; of course the weekend isn't over yet, so it still has potential. Last year was the first time I didn't celebrate Thanksgiving with my birth family. I now have a LeTU family with which to celebrate and be home with away from home. Most of my officially adopted brothers are here and my favorite two adopted sisters, not to mention that Mama and Papa Hawthorne have adopted me. I even got to speak to some of my birth family on Thanksgiving! YAY!
So, Sunday is my birthday, Monday is Beaker's, and next Saturday is Rene's, I can't help wondering whether a surprise lies in store for us ........but if I knew it wouldn't be a surprise anymore. ^_^

It's November!

The weather in Texas has finally decided to recognize the month; outside this morning was truly November! While going to breakfast this morning, the chilly air actually nipped my nose and ears just a little. The ground had frost on it!! I can't help thinking back to a few years ago when it snowed on my brother Philip's birthday, November 19. Normally, NC isn't quite that wintery until later, but I rather enjoyed the surprise. ^_^

Oh! I can't wait until next Wednesday afternoon! My exegesis paper is due that morning and we leave for a splendid weekend in Kansas right after my Greek class. YAY!!!

Stresses

Here is an illustration of the way my life seems to be right now. (diagram example of stress in big bending deformation) And this is how the story of my life seems to be written best about now:

basically what I'm saying is: Welcome to my life at LeTourneau University! ^_^

Fall Break

Just one of those weekends I can't help but praise God all day long. Here is one of several songs I have had skipping through my head the past few days.

The splendor of a King,
Clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice,
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in light,
And darkness tries to hide
And trembles at his voice,
And trembles at his voice

How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

Age to age he stands
And time is in His Hands
Beginning and the End,
Beginning and the End
The Godhead, Three in one
Father, Spirit, Son
The Lion and the Lamb,
The Lion and the Lamb

How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

Name above all names
You are Worthy of all praise
and My heart will sing how great
Is our God

by Chris Tomlin

Beautiful Weather

Fall has finally come to east Texas! The cool, clear mornings melting away to balmy afternoons with light breezes, all fading into gorgeous and peaceful sunsets. As the humidity lessens, the stars shine bright and crisp against the vast darkness above the swaying pine trees. Birds chirp throughout the day cheering the spirit, while the calmness of their rest soothes the mind. Perched on the widow sill, half in and half out, I am drawn to distant thoughts by the beauty of the day God has made. Reluctantly, I slip back onto the floor in an attempt to finish my assignment, just as I do my roommate wonders over to gaze out the window. Why is God's beauty in nature so distracting? I can't help wishing to be in the southern Appalachians during the month of October, with the changing colors creeping up the mountains and the geese flying overhead, honking their way south. But I think God called me to college in east Texas so I would have less excuse to forget homework; if I were in the southern Appalachians, I would have an extremely hard time staying inside and focusing on work. So in the end, the beauty I am beginning to see around me here is a blessing and even more so because it is minimal. But who needs this world when God is so beautiful!?!

One Thing...

One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord
And to meditate in His temple.
Psalm 27:4 (NASB)

Spiritual Warfare

For the past week and half or so, I've been struggling internally more than usual. Unmistakably, I have been fighting a battle against the enemy of mankind. Trouble focusing on God. Difficulty concentrating on school work. Restless hours of sleep nearly every night. Impatience flaring up over the silliest things. Feeling a cage closing around me. Dragging through each day so exhausted and strained spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Smothering feelings of incompetence, inadequacy, isolation, and insecurity were pushing me into a state I am far to familiar with: depression.
Praise God for He is always with me!!! I had opportunities to speak to several men and women of God this week. God place each of these six brothers and sister in Christ in my path just when I needed most. In my sinking, I continued questioning who I was as a daughter, sister, roommate, friend, student, and Christian. The men and women I spoke with, each one encouraged me to turn my questions and doubts into a confident and thankful knowledge, both in my mind and heart, of who God has made me to be regardless of my inabilities to be perfect.
God is in control! I can rest and be free in the knowledge He has everything worked out no matter how I fail. Jesus is the lover of my soul! I can love others because He fills me. My Father will never forsake or disappoint me! I cannot fear the terrors of this world when I remember I am forever in His arms. Jesus is holding me close! My greatest desire is to be so full and over flowing of Jesus that everyone I come in contact with do not see me at all, but only Him. I want to be exactly who God has made me to be. Whatever that means for my life, wherever it takes me, however I live, move, and have my being, all I want is Jesus!
The hard part, of course, is how do I make my desire go beyond words?
Please, anyone who reads this and firmly believes God works miracles, pray! Pray God will work a miracle in my life to make me an overflowing vessel of my Lord Savior who is the Love of my life to everyone around me.

Writing Papers = Torture

If you don't know me well, you may be surprised to learn how much I dislike writing papers. Did you know I can never say anything in a paper even half as well as the writings from historians, scientists, theologians, and other professionals and experts? I must research and read texts from many individuals or groups who know far more than I do about any topic, then, for some ridiculous reason, I am evaluated/graded on how well I summarize the ideas, thoughts, and conclusions of these people. If learning to write is just learning a formula of how to "express ideas" of someone else, why are we told to put things in our own words? If I really put in a paper what I thought and understood about a particular topic/idea in my own style or format of reasoning, well, it would probably sound a bunch like my blog. Isn't that ironic? I enjoy reading and taking time to understand new concepts, but WHY must the grueling task of restating everything in a specific, preordained format dominate our search for knowledge and wisdom? Why does "learning" have to take up so much time, when all I want is to learn? I was rather sad last night; sitting in the library, reading passages from The Works of Philo, I realized I very just wanted to read the chapter for what it had to say, not to dissect it down into tiny giblets to support someone else's idea I must write in a paper. here is that question again that keeps coming up...Why must learning in life be this way?

This Past Week

So, guess what!?! Okay, of course you don't know, that's why I'm going to tell you. This past week was Spiritual Emphasis Week, which basically means we have a special speaker come and lead two chapels everyday and this morning we had Longview Blitz (very similar to Mission Morganton with just LeTU people working). Guess who our special speaker was!!?!?! ^_^ None other than Micheal Card! Yes, he came, sang, lead worship, and delivered messages (like sermons) Wednesday through Friday. I got to go to Dr. Mayes' class one day and sit in, because Micheal Card was the guest speaker and all the Biblical Studies and Christian Ministry majors were invited; it was very thought-provoking, encouraging, and enlightening. I officially like Micheal Card even more now. ^_^
Longview Blitz went really well too. We worked from 8:30 til 1:00 at Outreach Restoration Prison Ministry for Women, scraping, painting, picking up trash, cleaning, sorting clothes, weed-eating, and moving furniture around at an old motel that is being converted into a place for homeless women, especially those just out of jail, to stay. We all worked hard, sweated hard, and, everyone I talked to, came back glad to have done it. The seventeen girls (including me) who went from our floor, along with the 25 or so guys from 41 certainly got a bunch done. I'm so glad God has blessed me with the ability to work and help others! I'm also very glad God has blessed me with so many encouraging brothers and sisters in Christ!

Banishment of Quiet

The Freshmen have arrived!!! Not like anyone could miss them.....we have twenty on our floor. With only thirteen of us returning to the floor this year, to put it mildly, G2's dynamics have changed significantly. I'm excited! All the new young ladies I now get to walk with through the coming school year present both a very wonderful challenge and a truly frightening adventure. as floor Chaplin Intern this year, I carry certain responsibilities, of which I feel quite inantiquit. Please, pray God will work through me to love each and everyone of the girls as Christ would. Alone, I can do nothing good, but with the Holy Spirit dwelling in me, God can move to show love to this hurting world, country, state, city, campus, and floor. I want God to be glorified. I want God's kingdom to be furthered. I have been given much, so much is required. Please, ask God to make me willing to completely let Him guide each of my steps. Thank you for remembering me.

Hear-Say

On several different occasions, a handful of individuals and I have discussed blogs. The majority's general consensus was an expression of disgust with very long passages of text as a post. So, considering only a grand total of two persons read my blog anyway, I have decided to have shorter pieces of text and included pictures more often. How does that sound to everyone?

Good Bye NC

As I begin the packing process, in preparation to return to Texas, I look around my room, house, yard (see picture), and family wondering what will be changed when I see it all again. Coming back this past May showed me how much can be different after just a few months. I fully expect to stay in Texas over Christmas, so all that might be altered in 8.5 months at very least will be interesting. I personally changed significantly over the past school year, and the coming year has more in store, I'm certain.
I'm sitting here in my living room at home and talking to my younger brother, Samuel, about my going away. I think he doesn't want me to leave. I wonder how much he will have grown up and changed when I return. My word, he will be 14 years old....and Philip, my youngest brother, will be 12. Now, I'm starting to feel old. My brothers and I were talking the other day about how many years ago we could remember in our past. I still clearing recall when Samuel and Philip were born. Okay, I should stop contemplating such things. :-)
Well, I'll be in Texas before noon on Thursday. Bye North Carolina. Hello Texas.

God is so good!!!....and i am not

As many of you know, I believe God, my wonderful, amazing, beautiful Father, is calling me to go as a witness for His name to foreign lands. Why He chose to call me, in all my inadequacies and innumerable failures, I truly haven't even a minute clue. However, I am confident in His distinct calling and His marvelous, mysterious ways. Often pondering questions, shame of my doubts and fears overwhelms me, yet daily, I rediscover the incomprehensible love of my Lord Jesus. Patiently, He lets me struggle and just when I'm ready to completely give up hope, He comes to whisper in my ear: Laura, I am always here, in control, taking care of you. Very rarely does God give me an answer, let alone a clear answer, to any of my questions. The reminder of His power, presence, and unfathomable love for such a wretch as I is enough. Do not suppose this assurance keeps me from meditations filled with inquiry; on the contrary, sleep capturing me in the mist of desperately seeking insight comes as no stranger to me. Once more, I implore anyone who reads this to include me in their petitions to our Lord God. Although I am physically comfortable with far more than I need, I am staggering in attempts to proceed forward bearing the great weights of mental and emotional trials. Thank you in advance; all your prayers are much appreciated.

Small Details

I have gradually realized over the course of several years that I tend to pay more attention to details which are often overlooked by others. I'm not sure if this is good or not....
I observe more than most people I'm around, which is not necessarily a good thing in many situations. Learning so much from using solely my senses is very fascinating, but when in groups of people I quite often learn random information I could have lived very well without knowing. I greatly enjoy spending time out in God's creation, especially in the woods, on a mountain, by a creek/stream, or on the beach. Of course, observing people is interesting to an extent; I have been unofficially studying human behavior for nearly as long as I can remember. Yes, I really like learning, but it can prove rather discouraging and depressing at times. Sometimes, I think strolling through life completely oblivious would be easier and less stressful. Oh well, God has chosen to make me this way for some reason; I just haven't the foggiest idea why, like so many things in my life right now.
Continuing forward in faith, I am not lost. true, I don't know where I am or where I'm going, but my Father and Guide know. I simple must trust and obey with my whole being. Yep, this is one of those"much easier said than done" situations, but that's life.

Busyness of Vacation

Nearly a month since my last entry....
No, I still have no real job and, no, I haven't been gone on any long trips. This summer, especially the last month, has kept me hopping from one thing to the next with only short rest between. Cleaning houses, installing a door, visiting friends and family, catering weddings, helping with VBS, and backpacking have all been on my schedule. In fact, I'm too tired right now to come up with anything worth saying.....oh well.
I would like to thank all of you who've been praying for me! ^_^ I truly appreciate all your prayers, thank you. My only request is that you would continue. God has gotten me to this point, but I am only being the journey of life; many more trials and struggles lie in wait around every turn. I am weak. Through your prayers and encouragement, I cling to the One. Thank you again and may God bless each of you!

Family Reunion

This past Sunday (6/24) was the Scarlett clan (my mother's family) family reunion in Kingston, Tennessee. My mother has four sisters and three brothers, all except two were present. I have 26 cousins on that side of the family: first cousins, first cousins once removed, twice removed, and thrice removed. I enjoy the wide range of people, conversations, and interest represented in this large group. However, I often come away sadden to think of how many have never put their trust in Jesus Christ, my Savior. A lively, talkative bunch, I rarely say very much, yet I long to have the courage, boldness, and right words to share with them the greatest, only lasting joy of my life, the news of a divine Savior who loves me perfectly!! and wants them to open themselves to the love He wants to give them. Why is t so hard to share with people the most important news ever told? Why is it so easy to send hours discussing finite, earthly topics? Why can I not find the courage and boldness in Christ and let Him speak through me to those who need to hear so desperately of His love? I am a follower of the Lamb. I am a child of the King. I am a witness of the Way. Why am I not acting like I should? I have nothing, but God alone to fear. Why do I continuously shrink from carrying out His commands? What will it take for me to finally go and tell those who need to hear the message of my Lord and Savior?
I know I have requested prayer before....and I asked once again: anyone who reading my blog, please, please stop a second and pray to God on my behalf.

Building Decks

Yep, I've got a job....of sorts. I'm very glad to be doing something! I'm very thankful I have a job! The interesting part is I'm working with my dad and brother, Daniel, to build a deck for a couple in my parents' church. I really enjoy working with my hands, especially building things. Not to mention, wood is one of my favorite building materials! I am continually amazed how God is providing for me this summer. I still have no job for the remainder of the summer, but I'm slowing learning not to be concerned; God knows exactly what He is doing and why.
God is so very good!!!

Spending Time with My Brothers

So, since being home, the people I have spent the most time with are my two youngest brothers, Samuel and Philip. Sam took this picture of Phil and I. We were visiting some friends who have a farm, and basically, I was with my little brothers the entire afternoon. I'm not complaining, however I do find the fact rather interesting. Not only do I often get assigned (by Mother) the task of entertaining, but just whenever I have free time I'm hanging with Sam and Phil. A few days, I have gone places with friends, yet the majority of the request to do things for fun are coming from my youngest two brothers. I wonder whether this trend is an indication of my future activity with friends. I go away for awhile, and my friends find they really are just fine without me. Their schedules no longer have space for me. My brothers and my friends both want attention, and I am only asked to spend time with the ones who apparently don't receive enough from other people. I'm very glad that my youngest two brothers at least still seem to need me, but I can't help asking myself what I will be like when they have also moved on. Will any of my current relationships last more than a half dozen years or so? I've asked this question at other times in my life, and so far, the answer has been a resounding "No."
I only need one friend anyway. Jesus Christ is my best friend. He does not need me, but He still loves me and will for eternity. He is enough.
So, why do I ask myself pointless questions about my current relationships? I really don't know.

Was Sprechen Sie?

Ich finde Deutsch gut für mir!
Ich habe eine Frage. Sprechst du Duetsch oder alles nur Englisch? Was sprechst du? Was ist deine lieblingssache über Spreche? Ich kann Griechisch und Deutsch lesen. Klein Deutsch spreche ich. Ich finde Deutsch Musik hören macht Spaß. In meine Friezeit sag ich Deutsch zu mir, weil meine Freunden es ist langweilig finden. Shade!
Ich will Deutsch sprechen sowieso. Tut mir leid, wenn findst du es ist nicht gut.

Here in NC

Well, half way through May and I've been home for one week now. Being back in this part of my life and world is rather odd. Returning to so many things that are the same and random things that have changed. Honestly, I knew coming home would be a challenge, but I was unprepared for truly what a hard time it has been. I feel like I'm having culture shock. I get almost sick at times trying to stay silent amongst such materialism, rudeness, and never ending selfishness; all of these are practiced by nearly everyone and, the worse part, no one even seems to notice or think it's a problem, let alone try to change. I know I am very guilty of being materialistic, rude, and selfish. Although, at college, I felt encouraged to not be empathic and strive to be more Christ like, now back at home I'm quickly slipping back into old disgustingly selfish habits.
I hate how easily sin takes over my life. Please!!! If anyone reads this, please, pray for me!

Chilly Days

This is what I got to experience the last time I was home....

Reflecting

Finishing freshman year, preparing for the summer, and looking forward to the next small step on the path of life are my current preoccupations. I can't hardly believe how quickly this year has flow by. I feel like I'm sitting on the edge of a lake looking at the reflection of the clouds as they blow by over head. I'm sitting still and the water ripples, but it is really the clouds that are moving that make me feel like time is passing me by. So, none of this probably makes any sense at all. Perhaps I ought to just stop rambling and go to bed like a good kid. Sleep is good. If I'm asleep, I don't ramble about nothingness, and in the end, everyone is more happy. ummm........yeah.

Mountains in Swaziland

Isn't Swaziland beautiful? For some odd reason, I've been missing being in Swaziland rather often lately. I'm not sure why. I don't understand.
I wonder if I will ever go back......
These mountains are fabulous, but the best part about Swaziland is the people. I love the Swazi Christians! One day I will see them in heaven, I just can't help wanting to see them in their country again before that day when we are all taken up into the sky. Why am I so selfish? I should be satisfied with what God has granted me. I am so very blessed. Why do I continue to wish for something else? I need to trust Him more wholeheartedly. I need to obey without questions. Why is it so hard?

Free Time?

Fun and relaxation are foreign concepts for any college student who wants to graduate on time from LeTourneau University. Thinking back to last February, when I came for a scholarship competition, I find one of the questions ironic. The first question in the interview was a shock to me. I was completely unprepared for what the gentleman asked me. He asked, “If you had one full day to do anything you wanted, what would you do?” Taken back by the question, I faltered as my mind ran wildly trying to find an answer. Part of my trouble in finding an answer lay in my practical mind. I had long since realized I could never do just whatever I wanted for an entire day. I groped for a reasonable answer. What in the world would I do if I had no limits on what I could do? The final answer I gave was far from satisfactory in my own mind.
Ever-practical, I choose to give an answer that was actually very possible and did not cost hardly anything. I slowly, formed into words an idea I had thought I would like to actually do sometime in the next few months before banishing myself to a country lacking in mountains. A whole day, just my best friend, Heather, and I spending time together in the mountains seemed a fabulous idea for fun and relaxation. Not at all creative, I am fairly certain the four individuals interviewing me thought my reply was dull and below average in excitement content. Looking around, I plainly saw a general consensus of unimpressed people. They all wrote down some little note about my answer, but no one wrote anything much. I felt a great sinking in my stomach. I knew any hope of a good impression and smooth interview had just dropped through the floor. In retrospect, I know my answer told those interviewers exactly what they wanted to know: level of imagination, amount of spontaneous creativity, intensity of selfishness, and ability to react in unexpected circumstances. Basically, I had failed from the start, but the question stuck with me. Honestly, what would I do if I could choose to do absolutely anything I wanted for a whole day?
Although I love going to the mountains, now that I have been to another side of the world and seen how the people there live, I would not want to waste an entire day on just pleasing myself. I discovered how much joy can be found in working hard to help someone else. When anyone asks me what I liked best about Swaziland, my simple, completely honest reply is the people I met, but really what I liked most was serving, encouraging, and learning about the people I met. If I now had one day, to do anything, I would go back to Swaziland: to hug Make Maria, shake hands with Domisani, witness door-to-door with Thomi, sing a hymn with Dumisa, jump rope with the little girls of Bethel, and hold a sleeping child while his mother prepares dinner. I just want the people, especially the Christians, of Swaziland to know I have not forgotten them. If only for one day, I want to bring the joy back into their faces. I want all of Swaziland to know although the country is small, it is still significant and God still desires to have the Swazi people accept Him. What I would do with a day given to me for enjoyment would be to give joy to others.

After a Rest....

So, I thought I would post at least once on this silly blog over Spring Break (last week), but...... Oh well.
It's Tuesday already. They say time flies when you are having fun, but I think time goes by much faster when you are very busy, or so I have observed from being at college. Anyhow, I had a restful week off. I spent a significant chuck of time hanging out with friends and wasting time just because we could. The first Saturday of Break was Liz's birthday and Sarah, Paco, Panic, Fjord, and I took her out to dinner, then to the Longview Symphony. The whole outing was fun and Liz I think really enjoyed herself. Then the second weekend of Break, Fjord had to go home to speak at his home church about raising money for his trip to Cameroon this summer. So, Panic, Sarah, and I went with him to keep him company on the drive and to get off campus for a few days. I love Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne! They made us fantastic food and let us do just about anything we felt like. On Saturday, Fjord was busy with other things, and Mr. Hawthorne decided the tractor should be driven around. He showed me how to use it and left me to play with the tractor. Yes, I was playing with a full sized 1952 Otis-something tractor and it was fabulous fun! Panic and even Sarah drove it around the yard too. Then the three of us sat outside in the sun, for it was a beautiful day. We saw about nine wild turkeys and all of Mr. Hawthorne's goldfish in their pond. Church on Sunday was also very good. We when to both services because Fjord spoke in both. Even though the sermon was the same both times, I definitely learned something valuable each time. Speaking of church, the Sunday before I had gone to church with Liz. She goes to a Christian and Missionary Alliance Church! I had not been to one since my family moved from Elizabethton. I really enjoyed it. Then Liz, Fjord and I went and had Sunday lunch at Dr. Graff's home. I like LeTourneau! The professors are wonderful and nearly all the students I know are simply splendid. God is so very good to me!!!
Although life can be challenging and seemingly ridiculousness, God is still in control and He knows what He is doing. He will take marvelous care of His children. I'm so very, very, very glad I am God's child!!!

Great, Yet Somber Day

Today was the birthday of one of my friends who is a senior this year. Actually, last Saturday and this coming Saturday are as well. Several of my friends are turning 22 and will be graduating in May. :-(
I wish I wouldn't let myself become such good friends with people I know aren't going to be around long........I'm really going to miss Lizard, Trolley, Fjord, and Jester. I know I should focus on how fantastic it has been knowing them and how the fact I still have other friends who aren't leaving. Sometimes I just find starting over kinda hard. See that's just the thing....I'm not the one starting over! They are. Why do I continually think of myself and not others?!?

Anyhow......
next year will be very different in other ways too. I'm going to be floor chaplin. Several of the girls on my floor are graduating, transferring, or moving to a different floor. With a significant number of new girls next year, I'm in for a challenge. But I know God will get me through it.
Today was just perfectly beautiful! Work went well. Classes were fine. I don't have an excessive amount of homework. The map quiz tomorrow isn't as going to be that hard. I have a fabulous roommate! The dinning hall food was pretty good. I have been getting more reasonable amounts of sleep this week. Yet even with all these great blessings.......I found myself rather somber today. I really don't know why. Most of the day I was happy with life in general, but as soon as I'm alone for a couple minutes I sink into a serious attitude. I have everything to be happy about! Why do I persist in being unsatisfied with simply trusting and obeying God? Why do I always have to ask "Why?"

New Blog

A couple of my suit mates and I decided to make a blog for our suite.
SUITE Deal can be found at http://www.g2suited.blogspot.com
and you should all look at it......

February Time

Wow! Where did February go? Four straight weeks of working seemingly continuously and I blink and the time has gone. I'm not sure time was flying by in this case because I was having fun.....more like very busy. Working hard is good though. Boredom and laziness are bad. Time is interesting to think about, but have you ever thought about how much time we spend trying to make more time for ourselves? Humans really are silly. I was looking at some quotes about time and I liked this one by Mark Twain:

"Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours."

It is true too most of the time (no pun intended), at least for me. Interesting how things like that work....

East Texas Weather

I find weather very fascinating, especially when I don't understand the patterns, like in east Texas. Late last week, it was very damp, dark, and cold. Then it cleared off in a matter of an hour on Thursday. Yesterday and the day before in it was in the 30s and the chill factor put it in the lower 20s. Today, it's in the mid 50s and as clear blue and beautiful as you could ask for. The wind is the only thing you can count on around here; it's always blowing, although it's velocity changes randomly as well.
I really do like weather. I enjoy the changes and variations it adds to the routine of life in college. To wake up each morning and being able to start a new day, that really does seem new because the weather makes it different than the day before. Which is why going to college in east Texas is better than some places where the weather changes very slowly or hardly at all. The landscape isn't the most spectacular, but the weather and the fantastic people at LeTourneau make up for the lack of it. Of course I can't really go much of anywhere anyhow, so it's actually a blessing. The things which make this school so great are right here all round me and I'm even given a chance to be upset about not getting off campus and going to.........well, anywhere.
God knows best and I'm so glad!!! He really did know what He was doing by sending me here to LeTourneau. Even when I forget, I just wait until the weather changes, then I'm reminded how great and wonderful my God is. He has everything under control and knows perfectly what He is doing. Praise God!!!

A few thought provoking quotes...

So, now that my English assignment is completed I can write about stuff, without worrying whether my English prof will like it or not........
Anyway.....
The other day, my friend Sarah and I were looking up quotes by well known people. We started reading ones by Mother Teresa. Here are a few of the ones that really struck me and made me think.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

“If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one”

“Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.”

Abortion "is murder in the womb ... A child is a gift of God. If you do not want him, give him to me."

"I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience?"

Coming to LeTU

So, I've told about where I went to church, where I lived, and other random things, I'll try now to explain why I applied to LeTourneau University in the first place.

I think best in chronological order, so let me start with the very first thing that ended up having a great influence on me: my parents' call. Several years before I was born, my Mom and Dad felt God calling them to the mission field. In preparation for this, they went to Moody Bible Institute in Chicago for Bible training. From Chicago, they moved to Elizabethton, TN, where Moody Aviation was at the time. My Dad thought God was calling him to be a missionary pilot, but after failing his second class medical, it became clear God had other plans. When I came into the family, we were still in a"transition" period. My Dad was between jobs and my parents' next step was still uncertain. While in Elizabethton (as I alluded in my first post), I came in contact with many of my family's missionary friends, most of whom had attended Moody Aviation as well. Even my earliest memories are crowded with missionaries and their stories.
Probably the deep, down, psychological reason I originally wanted to be a missionary is because my parents always did. Even after moving to North Carolina, my parents didn't forget their longing to serve God in another country. The year I was seven, my parents tried once more to go to the mission field, this time with AEF (now part of SIM). But even when the pastor of our church at the time was called and left for Zambia with his family, my family remained. Not that my family has ever become secluded from our missionary friends, quite the contrary. The forever highlight of receiving mail was getting to the mailbox and finding newsletters from our friends in the various corners of the globe. My brothers and I used to run to the mailbox to see who would get to open the letters first and add the cool stamps to our collections. We also live about ten minutes from a major interstate and it is always our pleasure to host friends for a meal or an over night stay.
When I was in eighth grade I discovered the joy of airplanes. I had liked airplanes beginning with my first flight when I was about four, but had not seen any connection between them and my life. That is to say, I saw no connection until I realized that women do things in aviation too, besides being airline stewardesses. The thought that I could in fact do something with airplanes blew me away. I have always considered airplanes as tools, not toys, unlike my other passion, animals, which I still struggle in justifying the use of in everyday life. While on a mission trip to Charleston, SC, I heard God call. This was not the first time I felt God pointing me toward missions, but it was the first time I realized I might be able to go with an airplane. From that summer up through my senior year of high school, I tried my best to learn all I could about airplanes in missions and what I would need to do in preparing myself to go as a missionary with aviation related skills. When I found out Moody was moving and changing their aviation department significantly, I began looking for other options. I looked at all the major aviation schools in the country that had both piloting and maintenance. The first school I was accepted to was LeTourneau and I was eligible for a major scholarship. When I came in February, I had a tremendous peace about being here. I really can't explain it, but after that weekend I knew that whether or not I got the scholarship, I was in fact meant to come to LeTourneau University.
So those who know me are probably asking by now, why aren't you an aviation major?!? Well, that's a different story for some other time. Right now all I can say is, I'm here and hopefully this explained why I came.

Moving and Losing

continuing with the same theme from before....

Around the time my third brother was on the way, my Dad finally got a stable job as a high school science teacher. This new job meant we had to move away from our beloved home in the Horseshoe. Moving from that wonderful place when I was almost six years old taught me the valuable lesson of not being so attached to the location of where you live. God many times has plans for you other places than where you think is an ideal home. As a result of the move I have never again allowed myself to become so attached to a place that I live. I now see moving as an adventure and I welcome the excitement of a change in scenery. I lost a sense of belonging to any particular place on earth. I now see heaven as my real home.
Another thing that came with this move to North Carolina was a change in friends and, more importantly at the time, a change in churches. It may have been because I was so young and didn't see any of the flaws at the church in Elizabethton, but I have never felt as at home in any church as I did at Elizabethton Alliance. I am still searching for a church family with the same love for God and each other that I remember from that church and still experience when my family goes back to visit once in a blue moon. Upon first moving to Morganton, my family attended a United Methodist church, but after the pastor died of a heart attack it changed and we moved on. Next, we went to a PCA Presbyterian church and ended up staying there for six years, although as a whole family we felt led to leave sooner, but had significant difficulty finding somewhere else to go. As it ended up, my older brother and I went to First Baptist and a few months later the rest of the family started going to a small nondenominational Bible church. I am still not at peace about being a member of FBC. Even since coming to college I have had trouble finding a church family where I felt truly comfortable. Every time I begin feeling out of place I simply remember, this earth is not my home and I should be patient, waiting on God's timing to show me where to go and what to do, only then can I be fully at peace. I know I need to be more trusting of God's great faithfulness to me, it is just so easy to complain and so hard to be accepting of all circumstances God places me in.
Moving houses and moving churches has had a large impact on how I view my residence on this earth, but in the end I am thankful God has seen fit to do so, other wise it would have been very difficult for me to accept the call to the mission field or even to come all the way to Texas for college. After all, home is where the heart is and God wants me to give my heart completely to his service and I need to be as flexible as possible in order to mold myself into whatever situation God puts me in for service.

Home in Elizabethton

I have decided to write my first group of blogs about memories I have of my life, especially the events that had some significant impact on my coming to LeTourneau University.

I was born at home up a small holler between two lakes near Elizabethton, Tennessee. My parents had originally come to the area because my Dad was attending Moody Aviation, located just outside Elizabethton at the time. The church we attended in town was a Christian and Missionary Alliance where most of the people going there were in some way connected to Moody Aviation. The families at the church either worked at Moody, were currently going there, or had gone in the past and had not yet gone to the mission field. As a result, I was always around mission minded people. We had mission conferences every year that were a big highlight for everyone. I remember the first time I decided I wanted to go to Africa was after missionaries from Burkina Faso spoke at the mission conference. They told us of a need to tell the whole world about Jesus and that, as Christians, it was our job to do it. I saw the pictures of the children on the other side of the world and wanted more than anything to meet them and tell them God loved them.
Most of my friends in my early years were soon-to-be missionary kids. I never had any close friends because I mostly only got to see them every four years when their families came home for furlough. I loved living in the mountains of East Tennessee, but I always felt left out when all my friends and all my parents' friends went off to the mission field and we had to stay behind. When I was little my older brother and I played many pretend stories, including such stories about being missionaries going to brave the wilds of far off jungles to reach an unsaved tribe. Living there so simply and so innocently, praying for our missionary friends, and having the great excitement of seeing them every four years was only one of the first steps on the path I am following today.