One Thing...

One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord
And to meditate in His temple.
Psalm 27:4 (NASB)

Spiritual Warfare

For the past week and half or so, I've been struggling internally more than usual. Unmistakably, I have been fighting a battle against the enemy of mankind. Trouble focusing on God. Difficulty concentrating on school work. Restless hours of sleep nearly every night. Impatience flaring up over the silliest things. Feeling a cage closing around me. Dragging through each day so exhausted and strained spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Smothering feelings of incompetence, inadequacy, isolation, and insecurity were pushing me into a state I am far to familiar with: depression.
Praise God for He is always with me!!! I had opportunities to speak to several men and women of God this week. God place each of these six brothers and sister in Christ in my path just when I needed most. In my sinking, I continued questioning who I was as a daughter, sister, roommate, friend, student, and Christian. The men and women I spoke with, each one encouraged me to turn my questions and doubts into a confident and thankful knowledge, both in my mind and heart, of who God has made me to be regardless of my inabilities to be perfect.
God is in control! I can rest and be free in the knowledge He has everything worked out no matter how I fail. Jesus is the lover of my soul! I can love others because He fills me. My Father will never forsake or disappoint me! I cannot fear the terrors of this world when I remember I am forever in His arms. Jesus is holding me close! My greatest desire is to be so full and over flowing of Jesus that everyone I come in contact with do not see me at all, but only Him. I want to be exactly who God has made me to be. Whatever that means for my life, wherever it takes me, however I live, move, and have my being, all I want is Jesus!
The hard part, of course, is how do I make my desire go beyond words?
Please, anyone who reads this and firmly believes God works miracles, pray! Pray God will work a miracle in my life to make me an overflowing vessel of my Lord Savior who is the Love of my life to everyone around me.

Writing Papers = Torture

If you don't know me well, you may be surprised to learn how much I dislike writing papers. Did you know I can never say anything in a paper even half as well as the writings from historians, scientists, theologians, and other professionals and experts? I must research and read texts from many individuals or groups who know far more than I do about any topic, then, for some ridiculous reason, I am evaluated/graded on how well I summarize the ideas, thoughts, and conclusions of these people. If learning to write is just learning a formula of how to "express ideas" of someone else, why are we told to put things in our own words? If I really put in a paper what I thought and understood about a particular topic/idea in my own style or format of reasoning, well, it would probably sound a bunch like my blog. Isn't that ironic? I enjoy reading and taking time to understand new concepts, but WHY must the grueling task of restating everything in a specific, preordained format dominate our search for knowledge and wisdom? Why does "learning" have to take up so much time, when all I want is to learn? I was rather sad last night; sitting in the library, reading passages from The Works of Philo, I realized I very just wanted to read the chapter for what it had to say, not to dissect it down into tiny giblets to support someone else's idea I must write in a paper. here is that question again that keeps coming up...Why must learning in life be this way?

This Past Week

So, guess what!?! Okay, of course you don't know, that's why I'm going to tell you. This past week was Spiritual Emphasis Week, which basically means we have a special speaker come and lead two chapels everyday and this morning we had Longview Blitz (very similar to Mission Morganton with just LeTU people working). Guess who our special speaker was!!?!?! ^_^ None other than Micheal Card! Yes, he came, sang, lead worship, and delivered messages (like sermons) Wednesday through Friday. I got to go to Dr. Mayes' class one day and sit in, because Micheal Card was the guest speaker and all the Biblical Studies and Christian Ministry majors were invited; it was very thought-provoking, encouraging, and enlightening. I officially like Micheal Card even more now. ^_^
Longview Blitz went really well too. We worked from 8:30 til 1:00 at Outreach Restoration Prison Ministry for Women, scraping, painting, picking up trash, cleaning, sorting clothes, weed-eating, and moving furniture around at an old motel that is being converted into a place for homeless women, especially those just out of jail, to stay. We all worked hard, sweated hard, and, everyone I talked to, came back glad to have done it. The seventeen girls (including me) who went from our floor, along with the 25 or so guys from 41 certainly got a bunch done. I'm so glad God has blessed me with the ability to work and help others! I'm also very glad God has blessed me with so many encouraging brothers and sisters in Christ!

Banishment of Quiet

The Freshmen have arrived!!! Not like anyone could miss them.....we have twenty on our floor. With only thirteen of us returning to the floor this year, to put it mildly, G2's dynamics have changed significantly. I'm excited! All the new young ladies I now get to walk with through the coming school year present both a very wonderful challenge and a truly frightening adventure. as floor Chaplin Intern this year, I carry certain responsibilities, of which I feel quite inantiquit. Please, pray God will work through me to love each and everyone of the girls as Christ would. Alone, I can do nothing good, but with the Holy Spirit dwelling in me, God can move to show love to this hurting world, country, state, city, campus, and floor. I want God to be glorified. I want God's kingdom to be furthered. I have been given much, so much is required. Please, ask God to make me willing to completely let Him guide each of my steps. Thank you for remembering me.

Hear-Say

On several different occasions, a handful of individuals and I have discussed blogs. The majority's general consensus was an expression of disgust with very long passages of text as a post. So, considering only a grand total of two persons read my blog anyway, I have decided to have shorter pieces of text and included pictures more often. How does that sound to everyone?

Good Bye NC

As I begin the packing process, in preparation to return to Texas, I look around my room, house, yard (see picture), and family wondering what will be changed when I see it all again. Coming back this past May showed me how much can be different after just a few months. I fully expect to stay in Texas over Christmas, so all that might be altered in 8.5 months at very least will be interesting. I personally changed significantly over the past school year, and the coming year has more in store, I'm certain.
I'm sitting here in my living room at home and talking to my younger brother, Samuel, about my going away. I think he doesn't want me to leave. I wonder how much he will have grown up and changed when I return. My word, he will be 14 years old....and Philip, my youngest brother, will be 12. Now, I'm starting to feel old. My brothers and I were talking the other day about how many years ago we could remember in our past. I still clearing recall when Samuel and Philip were born. Okay, I should stop contemplating such things. :-)
Well, I'll be in Texas before noon on Thursday. Bye North Carolina. Hello Texas.

God is so good!!!....and i am not

As many of you know, I believe God, my wonderful, amazing, beautiful Father, is calling me to go as a witness for His name to foreign lands. Why He chose to call me, in all my inadequacies and innumerable failures, I truly haven't even a minute clue. However, I am confident in His distinct calling and His marvelous, mysterious ways. Often pondering questions, shame of my doubts and fears overwhelms me, yet daily, I rediscover the incomprehensible love of my Lord Jesus. Patiently, He lets me struggle and just when I'm ready to completely give up hope, He comes to whisper in my ear: Laura, I am always here, in control, taking care of you. Very rarely does God give me an answer, let alone a clear answer, to any of my questions. The reminder of His power, presence, and unfathomable love for such a wretch as I is enough. Do not suppose this assurance keeps me from meditations filled with inquiry; on the contrary, sleep capturing me in the mist of desperately seeking insight comes as no stranger to me. Once more, I implore anyone who reads this to include me in their petitions to our Lord God. Although I am physically comfortable with far more than I need, I am staggering in attempts to proceed forward bearing the great weights of mental and emotional trials. Thank you in advance; all your prayers are much appreciated.

Small Details

I have gradually realized over the course of several years that I tend to pay more attention to details which are often overlooked by others. I'm not sure if this is good or not....
I observe more than most people I'm around, which is not necessarily a good thing in many situations. Learning so much from using solely my senses is very fascinating, but when in groups of people I quite often learn random information I could have lived very well without knowing. I greatly enjoy spending time out in God's creation, especially in the woods, on a mountain, by a creek/stream, or on the beach. Of course, observing people is interesting to an extent; I have been unofficially studying human behavior for nearly as long as I can remember. Yes, I really like learning, but it can prove rather discouraging and depressing at times. Sometimes, I think strolling through life completely oblivious would be easier and less stressful. Oh well, God has chosen to make me this way for some reason; I just haven't the foggiest idea why, like so many things in my life right now.
Continuing forward in faith, I am not lost. true, I don't know where I am or where I'm going, but my Father and Guide know. I simple must trust and obey with my whole being. Yep, this is one of those"much easier said than done" situations, but that's life.

Busyness of Vacation

Nearly a month since my last entry....
No, I still have no real job and, no, I haven't been gone on any long trips. This summer, especially the last month, has kept me hopping from one thing to the next with only short rest between. Cleaning houses, installing a door, visiting friends and family, catering weddings, helping with VBS, and backpacking have all been on my schedule. In fact, I'm too tired right now to come up with anything worth saying.....oh well.
I would like to thank all of you who've been praying for me! ^_^ I truly appreciate all your prayers, thank you. My only request is that you would continue. God has gotten me to this point, but I am only being the journey of life; many more trials and struggles lie in wait around every turn. I am weak. Through your prayers and encouragement, I cling to the One. Thank you again and may God bless each of you!