A little Too Much

So...cities....have bunches of cars and rows of houses and abundance of fences and miles of sidewalks and clouds of fumes and never-ending noise. I am thankful for a breeze most days to keep the air stirred up. I am grateful to be in an area where some stars are visible. I am relieved to know the neighborhood I'm staying in is rather safe. I am glad the weather has a little chill in it to make my walks be more refreshing. I am very happy to have a place to stay all of break, and not only somewhere to sleep, but a family to share Christmas with. ^_^
Yet, even with all the new elements I've experienced this year over Christmas Break, something seems to be missing......something all the times of wonderful laughter and engrossing reading and scrumptious food and reviving sleep can't make up for. Nearly every night, before falling asleep, I reflect back over the day. All the differentness (yes it is a word, now.) can be sorted out at last; the overload of information slows long enough for me to process it. Much of what I observe, both directly and remotely, need a moderator and a balance. I enjoy change, but sometimes when it comes at me too fast or in too great a concentration, my feeble mind and body can't handle it. So, how does an overload of differentness lack something to the extent of such significance that I could be bothered by it? An excellent question, Watson. It's quite simple really.
I'm drowning in the culture I have been suddenly introduced to this Christmas break. I have been aware of the existence of this culture for some years, but had never experienced it first hand, and now that I have, it's smothering me. For anyone who has only ever been on one side, my dilemma is rather incomprehensible and unexplainable. My dear roommate can't even imagine what I'm dealing with (and I don't wish to worry her by attempting an explanation). Nor should anyone who would fain understand my predicament agonize themselves about it. Please don't. However, if you would pray for me while I trek through all these bombardments, I would greatly appreciate every word. Thank you.

A Texas Christmas

So, in spite of all the pre-conceived ideas about suburbs of Dallas....there are actually trees and a bit of grass! This picture was taken at the end of the front walk of my temporary home in Allen, Texas. And, yes, all ye who reside in Texas, I have found "hills" in your state, but they all go down (ask Rene). I'm having a very restful break and the sleep is wonderful!! Of course there is very little else to do besides rest......oh well, actually, I have read some....The Talisman by Sir Walter Scott and He is There and He is Not Silent by Francis A. Schaefer.
Getting to know Rene's family and some of her friends has been interesting, entertaining, and informative. ^_^ Yes, I did use all those adjective to describe meeting people.......

Roommates!

Yep, here we are: me, Kelsey, Andy, and Rene.
YAY for my wonderful roommates!

Thanksgiving!!!

YAY!! for a break and sleep and food and friends and Kansas! Yes, Kansas really is a great place to go for the holiday! Ten LeTU students, ten LeTU alumni, about twelve extended family, and the two most brave parents I've ever met, Mama and Papa Hawthorne. One of the couples from the extended family are back from several years in China with their four-month old daughter. All but one of the LeTU people stayed all weekend at the Hawthorne's home. We have wonderful food, hilarious conversations, splendid sleep, fabulous cold weather, and Christian encouragement. I get to wash dishes, go for early morning walks, stand around the bond fire, laugh hardily, and watch engineers work puzzles of various sorts. This year is very close to being as fantastic as last year; of course the weekend isn't over yet, so it still has potential. Last year was the first time I didn't celebrate Thanksgiving with my birth family. I now have a LeTU family with which to celebrate and be home with away from home. Most of my officially adopted brothers are here and my favorite two adopted sisters, not to mention that Mama and Papa Hawthorne have adopted me. I even got to speak to some of my birth family on Thanksgiving! YAY!
So, Sunday is my birthday, Monday is Beaker's, and next Saturday is Rene's, I can't help wondering whether a surprise lies in store for us ........but if I knew it wouldn't be a surprise anymore. ^_^

It's November!

The weather in Texas has finally decided to recognize the month; outside this morning was truly November! While going to breakfast this morning, the chilly air actually nipped my nose and ears just a little. The ground had frost on it!! I can't help thinking back to a few years ago when it snowed on my brother Philip's birthday, November 19. Normally, NC isn't quite that wintery until later, but I rather enjoyed the surprise. ^_^

Oh! I can't wait until next Wednesday afternoon! My exegesis paper is due that morning and we leave for a splendid weekend in Kansas right after my Greek class. YAY!!!

Stresses

Here is an illustration of the way my life seems to be right now. (diagram example of stress in big bending deformation) And this is how the story of my life seems to be written best about now:

basically what I'm saying is: Welcome to my life at LeTourneau University! ^_^

Fall Break

Just one of those weekends I can't help but praise God all day long. Here is one of several songs I have had skipping through my head the past few days.

The splendor of a King,
Clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice,
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in light,
And darkness tries to hide
And trembles at his voice,
And trembles at his voice

How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

Age to age he stands
And time is in His Hands
Beginning and the End,
Beginning and the End
The Godhead, Three in one
Father, Spirit, Son
The Lion and the Lamb,
The Lion and the Lamb

How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

Name above all names
You are Worthy of all praise
and My heart will sing how great
Is our God

by Chris Tomlin

Beautiful Weather

Fall has finally come to east Texas! The cool, clear mornings melting away to balmy afternoons with light breezes, all fading into gorgeous and peaceful sunsets. As the humidity lessens, the stars shine bright and crisp against the vast darkness above the swaying pine trees. Birds chirp throughout the day cheering the spirit, while the calmness of their rest soothes the mind. Perched on the widow sill, half in and half out, I am drawn to distant thoughts by the beauty of the day God has made. Reluctantly, I slip back onto the floor in an attempt to finish my assignment, just as I do my roommate wonders over to gaze out the window. Why is God's beauty in nature so distracting? I can't help wishing to be in the southern Appalachians during the month of October, with the changing colors creeping up the mountains and the geese flying overhead, honking their way south. But I think God called me to college in east Texas so I would have less excuse to forget homework; if I were in the southern Appalachians, I would have an extremely hard time staying inside and focusing on work. So in the end, the beauty I am beginning to see around me here is a blessing and even more so because it is minimal. But who needs this world when God is so beautiful!?!

One Thing...

One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord
And to meditate in His temple.
Psalm 27:4 (NASB)

Spiritual Warfare

For the past week and half or so, I've been struggling internally more than usual. Unmistakably, I have been fighting a battle against the enemy of mankind. Trouble focusing on God. Difficulty concentrating on school work. Restless hours of sleep nearly every night. Impatience flaring up over the silliest things. Feeling a cage closing around me. Dragging through each day so exhausted and strained spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Smothering feelings of incompetence, inadequacy, isolation, and insecurity were pushing me into a state I am far to familiar with: depression.
Praise God for He is always with me!!! I had opportunities to speak to several men and women of God this week. God place each of these six brothers and sister in Christ in my path just when I needed most. In my sinking, I continued questioning who I was as a daughter, sister, roommate, friend, student, and Christian. The men and women I spoke with, each one encouraged me to turn my questions and doubts into a confident and thankful knowledge, both in my mind and heart, of who God has made me to be regardless of my inabilities to be perfect.
God is in control! I can rest and be free in the knowledge He has everything worked out no matter how I fail. Jesus is the lover of my soul! I can love others because He fills me. My Father will never forsake or disappoint me! I cannot fear the terrors of this world when I remember I am forever in His arms. Jesus is holding me close! My greatest desire is to be so full and over flowing of Jesus that everyone I come in contact with do not see me at all, but only Him. I want to be exactly who God has made me to be. Whatever that means for my life, wherever it takes me, however I live, move, and have my being, all I want is Jesus!
The hard part, of course, is how do I make my desire go beyond words?
Please, anyone who reads this and firmly believes God works miracles, pray! Pray God will work a miracle in my life to make me an overflowing vessel of my Lord Savior who is the Love of my life to everyone around me.