God is so good!!!....and i am not

As many of you know, I believe God, my wonderful, amazing, beautiful Father, is calling me to go as a witness for His name to foreign lands. Why He chose to call me, in all my inadequacies and innumerable failures, I truly haven't even a minute clue. However, I am confident in His distinct calling and His marvelous, mysterious ways. Often pondering questions, shame of my doubts and fears overwhelms me, yet daily, I rediscover the incomprehensible love of my Lord Jesus. Patiently, He lets me struggle and just when I'm ready to completely give up hope, He comes to whisper in my ear: Laura, I am always here, in control, taking care of you. Very rarely does God give me an answer, let alone a clear answer, to any of my questions. The reminder of His power, presence, and unfathomable love for such a wretch as I is enough. Do not suppose this assurance keeps me from meditations filled with inquiry; on the contrary, sleep capturing me in the mist of desperately seeking insight comes as no stranger to me. Once more, I implore anyone who reads this to include me in their petitions to our Lord God. Although I am physically comfortable with far more than I need, I am staggering in attempts to proceed forward bearing the great weights of mental and emotional trials. Thank you in advance; all your prayers are much appreciated.

Small Details

I have gradually realized over the course of several years that I tend to pay more attention to details which are often overlooked by others. I'm not sure if this is good or not....
I observe more than most people I'm around, which is not necessarily a good thing in many situations. Learning so much from using solely my senses is very fascinating, but when in groups of people I quite often learn random information I could have lived very well without knowing. I greatly enjoy spending time out in God's creation, especially in the woods, on a mountain, by a creek/stream, or on the beach. Of course, observing people is interesting to an extent; I have been unofficially studying human behavior for nearly as long as I can remember. Yes, I really like learning, but it can prove rather discouraging and depressing at times. Sometimes, I think strolling through life completely oblivious would be easier and less stressful. Oh well, God has chosen to make me this way for some reason; I just haven't the foggiest idea why, like so many things in my life right now.
Continuing forward in faith, I am not lost. true, I don't know where I am or where I'm going, but my Father and Guide know. I simple must trust and obey with my whole being. Yep, this is one of those"much easier said than done" situations, but that's life.

Busyness of Vacation

Nearly a month since my last entry....
No, I still have no real job and, no, I haven't been gone on any long trips. This summer, especially the last month, has kept me hopping from one thing to the next with only short rest between. Cleaning houses, installing a door, visiting friends and family, catering weddings, helping with VBS, and backpacking have all been on my schedule. In fact, I'm too tired right now to come up with anything worth saying.....oh well.
I would like to thank all of you who've been praying for me! ^_^ I truly appreciate all your prayers, thank you. My only request is that you would continue. God has gotten me to this point, but I am only being the journey of life; many more trials and struggles lie in wait around every turn. I am weak. Through your prayers and encouragement, I cling to the One. Thank you again and may God bless each of you!

Family Reunion

This past Sunday (6/24) was the Scarlett clan (my mother's family) family reunion in Kingston, Tennessee. My mother has four sisters and three brothers, all except two were present. I have 26 cousins on that side of the family: first cousins, first cousins once removed, twice removed, and thrice removed. I enjoy the wide range of people, conversations, and interest represented in this large group. However, I often come away sadden to think of how many have never put their trust in Jesus Christ, my Savior. A lively, talkative bunch, I rarely say very much, yet I long to have the courage, boldness, and right words to share with them the greatest, only lasting joy of my life, the news of a divine Savior who loves me perfectly!! and wants them to open themselves to the love He wants to give them. Why is t so hard to share with people the most important news ever told? Why is it so easy to send hours discussing finite, earthly topics? Why can I not find the courage and boldness in Christ and let Him speak through me to those who need to hear so desperately of His love? I am a follower of the Lamb. I am a child of the King. I am a witness of the Way. Why am I not acting like I should? I have nothing, but God alone to fear. Why do I continuously shrink from carrying out His commands? What will it take for me to finally go and tell those who need to hear the message of my Lord and Savior?
I know I have requested prayer before....and I asked once again: anyone who reading my blog, please, please stop a second and pray to God on my behalf.

Building Decks

Yep, I've got a job....of sorts. I'm very glad to be doing something! I'm very thankful I have a job! The interesting part is I'm working with my dad and brother, Daniel, to build a deck for a couple in my parents' church. I really enjoy working with my hands, especially building things. Not to mention, wood is one of my favorite building materials! I am continually amazed how God is providing for me this summer. I still have no job for the remainder of the summer, but I'm slowing learning not to be concerned; God knows exactly what He is doing and why.
God is so very good!!!

Spending Time with My Brothers

So, since being home, the people I have spent the most time with are my two youngest brothers, Samuel and Philip. Sam took this picture of Phil and I. We were visiting some friends who have a farm, and basically, I was with my little brothers the entire afternoon. I'm not complaining, however I do find the fact rather interesting. Not only do I often get assigned (by Mother) the task of entertaining, but just whenever I have free time I'm hanging with Sam and Phil. A few days, I have gone places with friends, yet the majority of the request to do things for fun are coming from my youngest two brothers. I wonder whether this trend is an indication of my future activity with friends. I go away for awhile, and my friends find they really are just fine without me. Their schedules no longer have space for me. My brothers and my friends both want attention, and I am only asked to spend time with the ones who apparently don't receive enough from other people. I'm very glad that my youngest two brothers at least still seem to need me, but I can't help asking myself what I will be like when they have also moved on. Will any of my current relationships last more than a half dozen years or so? I've asked this question at other times in my life, and so far, the answer has been a resounding "No."
I only need one friend anyway. Jesus Christ is my best friend. He does not need me, but He still loves me and will for eternity. He is enough.
So, why do I ask myself pointless questions about my current relationships? I really don't know.

Was Sprechen Sie?

Ich finde Deutsch gut für mir!
Ich habe eine Frage. Sprechst du Duetsch oder alles nur Englisch? Was sprechst du? Was ist deine lieblingssache über Spreche? Ich kann Griechisch und Deutsch lesen. Klein Deutsch spreche ich. Ich finde Deutsch Musik hören macht Spaß. In meine Friezeit sag ich Deutsch zu mir, weil meine Freunden es ist langweilig finden. Shade!
Ich will Deutsch sprechen sowieso. Tut mir leid, wenn findst du es ist nicht gut.

Here in NC

Well, half way through May and I've been home for one week now. Being back in this part of my life and world is rather odd. Returning to so many things that are the same and random things that have changed. Honestly, I knew coming home would be a challenge, but I was unprepared for truly what a hard time it has been. I feel like I'm having culture shock. I get almost sick at times trying to stay silent amongst such materialism, rudeness, and never ending selfishness; all of these are practiced by nearly everyone and, the worse part, no one even seems to notice or think it's a problem, let alone try to change. I know I am very guilty of being materialistic, rude, and selfish. Although, at college, I felt encouraged to not be empathic and strive to be more Christ like, now back at home I'm quickly slipping back into old disgustingly selfish habits.
I hate how easily sin takes over my life. Please!!! If anyone reads this, please, pray for me!

Chilly Days

This is what I got to experience the last time I was home....

Reflecting

Finishing freshman year, preparing for the summer, and looking forward to the next small step on the path of life are my current preoccupations. I can't hardly believe how quickly this year has flow by. I feel like I'm sitting on the edge of a lake looking at the reflection of the clouds as they blow by over head. I'm sitting still and the water ripples, but it is really the clouds that are moving that make me feel like time is passing me by. So, none of this probably makes any sense at all. Perhaps I ought to just stop rambling and go to bed like a good kid. Sleep is good. If I'm asleep, I don't ramble about nothingness, and in the end, everyone is more happy. ummm........yeah.